The 79th Oscars
Ellen de Generes is not the only one to secretly enjoy the Oscars in her jim-jams with a box of chardy and an unbreakable tumbler. Diana Simmonds goes the full Hedda Hopper in front of the telly to report
Who Really Won? Catherine Deneuve, of course. Glamorous and, as always, everything right: gown, jewellery, hair, make up. The essence of sophistication. J-Lo wasn't far behind with classic glossy bob and an uncharacteristically subdued empire line number in silvery-grey.
Who should Take Lessons from the Above? Gwyneth Paltrow - so near Deneuve yet so far. She's gorgeous, she's smart, so in choosing an old-time swishy yet fussy and oddly demure gown, why did she go for the long draggy tresses? No Gwynnie - up! Up! Find a snipper who knows about the French pleat (see above again).
Who needs a Good Square Feed? Our Cate: she's impossibly beautiful in her ethereally other-world way and dressed to kill in slinky bod-hugging pewter, but the Blanchett collar bones looked like she forgot to take her frock off the hanger before putting it on. Eat Cate, eat, you're a worry! When you move in to that nice office down at the Wharf you'll need your strength.
Who spent the Morning having her Hair Ironed? Our Nic, of course. The other Incredibly Glamorous Australian (Portia de Rossi doesn't quite cut it, try as she might) was a standout in scarlet in a line-up that favoured black, navy, grey and other less successful pastels. (Pastels at five in the arvo - eek!) Like Gwyneth (see above) Nicole Kidman could have done with a bit more help with the locks, but. The long red hair looks great but not when fighting for focus with the design elements of a dress and bare alabaster shoulders.
Who Can't Tie a Bow Tie? Virtually every leading male who walked the red carpet. Leo di Caprio opted - as did a lot of guys including Sacha Baron Cohen, Djimon Hounsou and Paul (Little Miss Sunshine) Dano - for an ordinary tie; Spike Lee went for the blingy crucifix (yawn), yet those who did go for the formal penguin outfit all wore pre-tied neckwear. So tacky. So football. Except Anne Hathaway whose witty co-option of the bow tie made the most of not very much. And, of course the night's hostess with the mostest, Ellen de Generes, showed the guys a thing or two about how to look great in a penguin suit. As did George Miller's Oscar-winning birds in Happy Feet.
Who could have walked off with an Oscar for Most Gorgeous Couple? Forest Whitaker and his exquisitely gowned and otherwise exquisite wife Keisha. The big guy deservedly won the big one for his turn as Idi Amin and may now not work for two years, such is the paucity of roles for black character actors. Unless he wants to play a baddie, drug dealer or pimp, of course.
Who Didn't Turn up in Character? Surest-shot ever nominee and winner of Best Actress award, Helen Mirren. Gone was the headscarf keeping her chin in place; gone were the sensible shoes, sturdy tweeds and voice that could etch lead crystal. Back, instead, the ageing but amazing louche sexiness of classic Mirren: a bit of cleavage, a sparkle in the eye and cool ivory elegance on the arm of hubbie Taylor Hackford.
Who did the Best Sashay down the Red Carpet? Beyonce, by a glimpse of cleavage ahead of Dreamgirls co-star (and supporting actress winner) Jennifer Hudson. Actually, all the Dreamgirls looked wonderful - including third Girl Anika Noni Rose. Jada Pinkett Smith also joined the pantheon of sophisticated no-bling African-American glamour pusses, but she's an old hand at the Hollywood 40s look.
Who Fatally mixed her Genres in the Outfit Department? Ivana Baquero of Pan's Labyrinth whose little white cowboyish boots did nothing for the horridly unflattering yellow shiny bodice from which hung her aunty's lace curtain masquerading as a knee-length skirt. Mind you, it's hard to think of any footwear that could have done anything for that garment.
Who needs a Good Talking To? Celine Dion who is old enough to know better than to wear a silly dress (in pond-life green yet) open at the sides to let the breeze through to tickle the mammaries. Jessica Biel also went for this look, in puce. Not a good one.
Who got the Dragged Through a Hedge Backwards award? Cameron Diaz who inexplicably undercut the willowy (aka amazingly tall) elegance of her sculpted white gown with a 'do that suggested she'd got out of bed only minutes before scampering to the red carpet.
Who wins Most Anticipated Gesture of Graciousness award? Queen Elizabeth II, who has answered the questions millions would have liked to put to her - have you seen The Queen, what do you think of Helen Mirren performance? - with an invitation to lunch at Buckingham Palace for the Dame, screenwriter Peter Morgan and director Stephen Frears.
Was this year's Best actress nominees one of the Strongest and Most Interesting for some years? Yes, probably: the Dames Helen Mirren and Judi Dench were joined by Kate Winslet, Meryl Streep and Penelope Cruz. A line-up doesn't come much stronger than that - as Mirren pointed out.
Most Deserving Oscar (aside from the sound recordist who surely must win one day)? Martin Scorsese who finally got his mitts on a statuette after failing on five previous tries. Was it the one to win - when Raging Bull and Goodfellas - for instance - were overlooked? Ask Paul Newman who got his for The Colour of Money after being repeatedly overlooked for some of the best work ever to come out of Hollywood. Scorsese's film left the interminable ceremony with four Oscars.
Will Peter O'Toole ever get his Turn at the Podium (after eight nominations)? Who knows - depends whether he can keep on keeping on; he's looking pretty rickety although alcohol is a great preservative. But he would have known he had little chance this year against Forest Whitaker.
Is it true that Revenge is a Dish Best Eaten Cold? YES! Jennifer Hudson was voted off American Idol in 2004 by a judge whose parting words would have been enough to destroy a battleship. She sensibly took to her bed for three days then got up and continued going for auditions. One of them was for Dreamgirls and she won the role ahead of the woman who had won the Idol series from which Hudson had been booted. Such is life.
What was the Most Anticipated Non-Declaration on the Night? Al Gore's funny, coy non-nomination for the Democratic Party's presidential slot. However, his doco about the dangers of global warming, An Inconvenient Truth, won Best Documentary Feature and gave the former Veep-turned environmental campaigner the chance to say: "People all over the world - we need to solve the climate crisis. It's not a political issue, it's a moral issue. We have everything we need to get started with the possible exception of the will to act. That's a renewable resource - let's renew it."
The 79th Academy Awards full list of winners:
Best Motion Picture: The Departed
Best Actor: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Best Actress: Helen Mirren, The Queen
Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Best Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Foreign Language Film: The Lives of Others, Germany
Adapted Screenplay: William Monahan, The Departed
Original Screenplay: Michael Arndt, Little Miss Sunshine
Animated Feature Film: Happy Feet
Art Direction: Pan's Labyrinth
Cinematography: Pan's Labyrinth
Sound Mixing: Dreamgirls
Sound Editing: Letters From Iwo Jima
Original Score: Babel, Gustavo Santaolalla
Original Song: I Need to Wake Up from An Inconvenient Truth, Melissa Etheridge
Costume: Marie Antoinette
Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth
Documentary Short Subject: The Blood of Yingzhou District
Film Editing: The Departed
Makeup: Pan's Labyrinth
Animated Short Film: The Danish Poet
Live Action Short Film: West Bank Story
Visual Effects: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Jean Hersholt Award (Oscar statuette): Sherry Lansing
Honorary Academy Award (Oscar statuette): Ennio Morricone
