Saturday March 30, 2024
The Music Review
Review

The Music Review

April 11 2007

MUZAK FOR MORONS

Betcha Bottom Dollar - The Puppini Sisters; UCJ, distributed by Universal Music

This is without doubt one of the silliest recordings of all time. To be fair, there are a few tracks which make one suspect a sense of humour is lurking in the background, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be a comedy record. I mean a rollicking, pseudo-swing version of Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights has to be a joke, surely?

And how about Gloria Gaynor’s disco anthem I Will Survive as it might be heard during a music morning at a high security aged facility when a hyped up trio of matrons performs to an electric piano with drum track set to Bossa Nova (Slow)?

Then there’s Blondie’s sexy 80s electro-classic Heart of Glass done in a similar way. This nightmare treatment actually leaches all dynamism and sex from one of the most dynamic and sexy songs of the past 30 years. An astonishing achievement.

The rest of the album consists of third rate Andrews Sisters impersonations: muddy harmonies, poor diction (most apparent on their attempt at Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy - try Bette Midler’s multi-tracked version to hear how it should be done) and pointless rehashes of songs that can be had and heard ten times better elsewhere, even as remakes.

The Puppini Sisters do afford a few moments of what must surely be unintentional humour, but really, they shouldn’t be encouraged, even for a moment.

To hear musical geniuses being intentionally musically tragic, have a listen to Jo Stafford and Paul Weston, aka Jonathan and Darlene. They are the mistress and master of dreadful music. Stafford: one of the great, great popular singers of the mid-20th century, and her husband, Paul Weston, one of the better pianists and big band arrangers of the era.

Their music making, separately and together, was sublime and remains one of the great delights to be truffle-hounded for on vinyl or just buy it re-mastered on CD. Then you have their Jonathan and Darlene personae.

Jonathan and Darlene Edwards are responsible for one of the great comedy music albums of all time on which, between them, they cheerfully and comprehensively murdered some of the best-loved and best standards of the 40s and 50s. It won a Grammy on its release and is a gem.

Singing and playing out of tune, off-key, behind or in front of the tempo and with only a vague approximation of togetherness is easy if that’s all you can do; but Stafford and Weston lifted ineptitude and grand aspiration-without-talent to heights the Puppini Sisters wouldn’t have the wit to dream of. Seek out Jonathan and Darlene - and weep - with laughter.

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MUSIC FOR A REALLY LONG CAR TRIP

The Ultimate Movie Music Collection, 8-CD boxed set, ABC Classics

Just when you think the ABC’s Department of Record Compilations can’t dream up yet another new way of gathering together a bunch of music tracks on one CD (or one mega-package of CDs), they fox you all over again.

This one - a boxed set of four - is definitely background listening, but because so much of the music, and songs, are fabulous in their own right, it’s a superior kind of background listening. You want to pay attention, but not too much: I suggest taking the set on your next long drive - four-plus hours needed to get through them all - and have a competition to see who can identify the music and, for bonus points, the movie it featured in.

The Music Review

This is easy with something like Moon River, because Breakfast at Tiffany’s is playing somewere in an outdoor cinema or late night screening at any given moment of the day and must be one of the best known and oft-hummed old movies around. Ironically, though, it’s one of the disappointments here because although Henry Mancini’s tune is gorgeous, the lyrics were pretty damn good too. In the absence of Johnny Mathis you’d a thought Aunty could have sought the services of any number of young Aussie crooners, but the instrumental version must have been cheaper. It’s a let-down nevertheless.

Various operatic arias fare better because so many have been recorded by Australian singers: David Hobson, Yvonne Kenny and so on and they’re terrific. Similarly, the chunks of Mozart and other well-known but dead movie composers fare well for the same reason: if the TSO hasn’t recorded it, it probably isn’t worth recording.

Living composers are well represented: Morricone, Williams and so on. As the discs roll by it’s amazing to realise how much music has been pressed into service for movies - and how much of it is sublime.

Some odd juxtapositions however: after a seriously romantic selection of orchestral themes it’s like hitting a pothole, or a large roo, to suddenly be assaulted by the militaristic oompah of Colonel Bogie (theme from Bridge on the River Kwai).

Maybe it’s the musical equivalent of Stop Revive Survive ... whatever, this is a fun collection for your next road trip with a carload of movie buffs.

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MUSIC FOR REPENTANT SINNERS

Ave Maria - The Immortal Song of Inspiration; ABC Classics.

God forgive me and please don’t strike me dead, but I have to confess that despite a bit of misspent youth at a Loreto Convent, I cannot, just cannot, imagine why you’d want a CD of 16 different versions of Ave Maria.

According to the sleeve notes “For over a thousand years, these words have brough comfort and consolation in the darkest hours of human need ... this unique album brings together some of the finest musical settings of this beloved hymn.”

Yes well, for starters the writer means “For more than ...” and then the rest is arguable. “Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee, etc etc” only bears constant repetition if one has been particularly naughty and either the nuns or Father Padraig demands it. Sixteen Hail Marys isn’t much in the scheme of sinning things but in this instance, it’s actually 73 minutes and 20 seconds - penance enough.

It’s no surprise that the most electrifying tracks - those guaranteed to make you feel really sorry and determined not to be bad again - are by Yvonne Kenny: she sings the Bach/Gounod and Schubert versions, also Mascagni’s intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana and finally, the second movement from Symphony of Sorrowful Songs by Gorecki - which is not only drawing a bit of a long bow, but fans are already likely to have the full recording of the Gorecki anyway.

But if you enjoy repetition and are feeling in need of reassurance - this is the CD for you. And obviously, this week at least, a lot of people feel like that: the disc is No. 2 in the ABC’s bestseller list. Actually, nine of the top 10 are compilations. How cheap was my tin pan alley.

 

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