CHICKEN IN A BISCUIT
CHICKEN IN A BISCUIT, Fixed Foot Productions at the Old Fitz, 3-18 October 2025. Photography by Becky Matthews
As the blurb asks: “Ever wondered WTF your pet is thinking and feeling?” The answer is – yes, often, although, at this very moment, toy poodle Charley Featherstoneleigh (pronounced Farley) is clearly thinking: “When will you stop staring at that screen and pay attention to me?”
That’s the thing about the relationship between an animal and their human: it’s profound, it’s real, it’s important, but unless you’re someone in such a relationship, at this point you may well be sniggering. Well, hey ho – your loss. And if you want to know why (or have your own understanding of the pet/person nexus confirmed), go see Chicken In A Biscuit.
Written by Mary Rachel Brown and Jamie Oxenbould; directed by Brown, and performed by Oxenbould and Mandy Bishop, these 80+ minutes are much more than mere laughs, although there are plenty of those. Panting on to production designer Kate Beere’s pastel velour multi-layer cat castle (lighting, sound, and AV design: Aron Murray), an earnest, floppy-eared Oxenbould opens the evening as Truffles, an ageing chocolate Labrador with personal hygiene problems. He’s a simple soul, as are most Labs, but his insights into humanity are as keen as his sense of smell, and scientific explanations of same (a cartoon slideshow by Oxenbould).
Bishop follows as grumpy temptress Zintra. She’s a Burmese Blue (is she ever) and the unsheathed-claws epitome of a pedigree cat fallen on hard times. Her rescue owner, Lisa Wilson, is a fat frump and, in a Mittel European accent as spicy as goulash, Zintra tells the story. Tragic though it is, Zintra is a characterful feline who’d slap Grizabella and order her to stop whinging.
Dr Graham Nestbender follows (Oxenbould). He’s a divorced cosmetic dentist and turns to the audience – the Dental Board – to plead his case for not being struck off. It seems reasonable enough: after he met an attractive rabbit named Ginger, he became a Furry. Adopting the persona of Mr Nibs and a bespoke bunny suit, he later spread his wings and became enamoured of Arrow the Husky.
It should be said that Chicken In A Biscuit is not for kiddies, nor for the nervous or religiously disposed. For instance, as well as his human having cornered the market in terrible toupees, and the more predictable inter-species events, there’s a sex scene concerning Paisley the Pug and Marsha Henkel, a talent agent, which may shock, or dig up long-buried memories, depending…
Interestingly, humans come out of these stories smelling not so much of roses as deceit and meanness. Fonzie, a yappy young Jack (Bishop), is tortured by his human’s new boyfriend, Terry, with an electric shock collar. After witnessing a few jolts, you hope Terry will soon die in a fiery ute crash.
While some may find the stories bizarre, they say more about the limitations of humans than anything else. Janelle Paws (Bishop) of Janelle Paws Animal Rescue is a good example. She is probably best mates with Marnie McQueen’s Karen Barnes, the uber security guard, and both are obviously descended from Rosa Klebb (aka Lotte Lenya) with the control freak gene well intact.
By the end of this unexpected journey through pet life (which could do with a five-minute trim and tighten), many will be thinking of the decency, kindness, and – most crucially – unconditional love of a dog. Okay, cat, maybe not so much. And you don’t have to be Jane Goodall to see the value of such relationships. Chicken In A Biscuit is a lark a minute, but also as profound as only a small poodle patiently waiting for a cuddle could be.
